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The 5 Most Brutal Mini-Games in Mario Party

/ Mar 17th, 2015 No Comments

The Mario Party series has offered a multitude of challenging mini-games, but some stand out for their ability to induce rage and the angst they caused players. In this list, we count down the most brutal mini-games in the Mario Party franchise.

5. Shake It Up (Mario Party 8)

Shame is the foulest cologne anyone can wear, and no mini-game offers up quite the scent as Shake It Up. The objective of this mini-game from Mario Party 8 is to shake a soda can as viciously as possible in order to produce the highest spray, a very silly mini-game that only makes the list because of its use of the Wii’s motion controls. Players must take their Wiimote unashamedly and shake with all their might in a highly suggestive manner.

Edited to be SFW.

Edited to be SFW.

This coupled with the explosive release from the soda cans will immediately cue in any players still wondering what the dirty part of this game is. The worst part is the aftermath in which one winner is crowned and thus remembered for all time as the greatest “shaker” in the land. Worse yet is the three losers, who must deal with the shame of being unable to “shake their own can,” so to speak. The only thing that could make this mini-game worse is if midway through it sent video to your parents.

4. Frigid Bridges (Mario Party 3)

Tedious unrelenting hell best describes the mini-game Frigid Bridges from Mario Party 3. Players have the highly simple objective of carrying blocks of ice from one end of the path to the other. That’s it. Upon completing this circuit three times, they are rewarded with walking onto a grassy platform. Way to go. While the game itself is straightforward, the completion of it is anything but. Never have so many players thrown their controllers down in disgust over a game.

A pathway not even a minotaur could love.

A pathway not even a minotaur could love.

What makes Frigid Bridges a nightmarish hellscape is the tininess of the path players must walk. Characters must walk a narrow, curvy road in which one false move results in the loss of precious time. Of course, this is a four-player mini-game, which forces players to race to the finish. If that’s not bad enough, a fish periodically jumps across a section of each player’s walkway, providing countless stops and falls.

3. Shock Drop or Roll (Mario Party 2)

Shock Drop or Roll from Mario Party 2 offers the most unfair one-on-three matchup in history. Three players share the objective of survival, while one tries to kill the trio without mercy. The lone player has only two controls of left and right on their joystick, which controls a circular platform the other players stand a top — left makes the platform spin wildly left, while right does the inverse.

I am death, destroyer of coins.

I am death, destroyer of coins.

That is all there is to the game. The three players try to jump and run like inept loggers, while the lone monster laughs insanely. There is truly no strategy for this mini-game as it favors the one player so heavily that for them to lose is to be shamed for life. While practice staves off the inevitable to an extent, it is a futile gesture at best. Players who see an opportunity to make themselves the odd man out by landing on a space opposite everyone else should do so.

2. Paddle Battle (Mario Party)

To win is to lose, and to lose is to lose. Let this mantra flow through all players who engage in Paddle Battle, the nightmare of Mario Party. Every single joke on the internet revolving around destroyed palms from Mario Party must pay homage to this dark and twisted game. The whole objective is for players in a one-on-three scenario to rotate their joystick repeatedly. This rotation will force the other side closer to the edge of the river, thus getting them stabbed so they sacrifice precious coins to the other team.

Hello darkness my old friend... I've come to Paddle Battle again.

Hello darkness my old friend… I’ve come to Paddle Battle again.

While any sane person would simply grip the joystick between two fingers and rotate it at a mild pace, Mario Party is not a game for the sane. True die-hards will utilize the “palm-grip” technique in which players shove the joystick into their palm and rotate wildly. The downside is of course a mark of Stigmata proportions. The choice is for players to either sacrifice their coins and the win to preserve their hands, or to win the mini-game but lose feeling in their palm for about a week.

1. Bash ‘n Cash (Mario Party)

While the games on this list offer emotional or physical pain, Bash ‘n Cash offers the pain that matters most, the pain of loss. Mario Party wins the title of “most brutal” game in the series simply for the fact that all of its mini-games had losers give coins to the winner. Nothing destroyed players’ coin pockets quite like Bash ‘n Cash.

The true enemy of Mario Party.

The true enemy of Mario Party.

One player would be dressed like Bowser, forced to run while the other three would chase down Bowser with hammers. Every hammer hit would shoot some coins out of Bowser, leaving the character an opportunity to collect them again. But the more likely scenario would be that of the other three players getting to the coins first. This would continue for nearly a minute, usually resulting in Bowser’s once proud coin collection being nothing but dust in the wind. One round of this brutal mini-game will leave players longing for a Chance Time.


Greg Johnson

Greg Johnson

Associate Editor at Gaming Illustrated
Greg is a Nintendo fanboy who would cry if they ever went third party. He writes news, previews and reviews at Gaming Illustrated.
Greg Johnson

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