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Destiny’s Skill-Based Matchmaking System Defies Logical Thinking, Works Perfectly for One Locale (SATIRE)

/ Feb 25th, 2016 3 Comments

Destiny Age of Triumph

In a fortunate turn of events for Bungie, it has been discovered that almost all top tier Destiny PvP players reside in one county in Nebraska.

Many players bemoaned the decision to switch the matchmaking system to skill-based as opposed to location-based due to the fact that connection issues were already quite prevalent in the Crucible. However, upon finding out that 98 percent of the truly adept PvP players on Destiny reside in Cherry County, Neb., the realization is beginning to set in for many that Bungie, as always, was right on the mark with their decision making.

“Honestly, I was really relieved when I discovered that all those players were grouped in the same region,” Cortana Spartan, Bungie developer, said. “We just sort of fly by the seat of our pants here at Bungie. Sometimes we even spin a giant wheel that makes our decisions for us.”

In addition to making those at Bungie happy, the aforementioned residents of Cherry County could also not be more thrilled that they get the competitive challenge they have been craving AND a super reliable connection.

“If there are two things that we’re about here, it’s husking corn and playing some lag-free Crucible,” Cherry County resident T. Boone Jimboy said. “And as for the competitive fairness, we take two kinds of fields very seriously here: corn fields and level playing fields.”

While this top tier only represents 0.1 percent of the total amount of players who play competitive multiplayer on Destiny, Bungie is confident that this will incentivize players to take their game to the next level while also encouraging other local players to step it up.

“If you keep working towards elite status in the Crucible, who knows?” encouraged Spartan. “The next town with a great connection could be yours.”

Quick Take

On a serious note, Bungie’s decision to continue to implement a skill-based matchmaking system in Crucible is mind-boggling to say the least. As yours truly illustrated a few months ago with a video of a Trials of Osiris match, the connection on Destiny already left quite a bit to be desired. It’s no secret that Destiny’s popularity is currently waning, so Bungie is going to have to start making some better moves if they hope to win back fans and maintain the ones they already have.


Michael Mays

Michael Mays

Michael Mays graduated from Concord University with a B.A. in both Sociology and History with an emphasis in Philosophy before moving on to obtain his M.S. in Criminal Justice. Realizing that these degrees and six figures of crippling debt only made him roughly three nightly Jeopardy answers better, he decided it was time to pursue his lifelong passion... competitive snorkeling. That didn't work out, so now he writes about video games.

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  • Steven K

    I don’t understand how these issues arise it shows that so little communication exists at Bungie. I don’t want the division to be a wake up call I want it to be a fatality. Too long have these amateurs been in charge of a billion dollar deal, and it would be great to see them fall and pay the price for countless avoidable errors. Maybe it’s time they hired some brains for their projects rather than hiring within family friend networks??

  • Stephanie Sofranko

    One of the main reasons I never wanted to play trials of Osiris was the already bad connection. Especially with 2 ps4s connected in one house. Destiny continues to falter on all of its biggest decisions.

  • Chon

    It’s a joke that Bungie penalizes the good players with sweat fests and lag, while the little guy is given minimal competition and lag. Didn’t a Call of Duty developer pull the switch on SBMM days after community backlash? Crucible used to be fun in Year One, but it’s a total drag in Year Two–talking connection and matchmaking wise.

    Do you play solo? Well you’re in for a world of even more pain. Ranked playlists worked in games like Halo, because the people you were matched with communicated and worked to win for a visible skill rank based on wins/losses. In Destiny, there are no skill ranks, so there should be no incentive to carry a skill based matchmaking system.

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