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Borderlands 2 – Six Best Side Missions

/ Oct 11th, 2012 No Comments

Tiny Tina's Tea Party
Borderlands 2

Borderlands 2

Borderlands 2 is a huge game with hours upon hours of gameplay and plenty of things to do as players hunt down Handsome Jack. Now it is fair and reasonable simply to play through the main story missions without any detours and side trips, but then gamers would be missing some of the more interesting, different and sometimes hilarious side missions. While the first Borderlands had a few side missions that deviated from the shoot up X number of enemies or fetch some stuff algorithm, it mainly stuck to that formula and rewarded the player with loot and cash. Borderlands 2’s side missions do employ that formula as well because it is the bread and butter of side quests, but Gearbox Software smartly added some extra context or story portions that make those elements more engrossing. In addition, some side missions that differentiate enough from that formula are worth the player’s time in between story missions. Here is a top 5-ish list of side missions to do in Borderlands 2 to make for a richer experience.

1. “Clan War” – Ellie Series – The Dust and Overlook

[adsense250itp]Ellie is sick of two warring clans, the Zafords and her ex-clan, the Hodunks. She wants the player to help exacerbate the ongoing war between the two by playing both sides against each other. The player gets a chance to reignite a gang war between two composite stereotypes! By pitting the car race-loving (Hillybilly) Hodunks against the alcohol-loving (Irish) Zafords, the player takes missions from each clan to piss off the opposing side. Delightful little missions unfold during the saga such as destroying a still and blowing up a racetrack to ruin an auto race (killing the three racers in the process). In addition, as the whole feud comes to a head, the player chooses who to side with and possibly gets to shoot an old man with a handlebar moustache riding the shoulders of a giant in the face! Nothing is more exciting than that. In addition, the player gets to help Ellie get some revenge, which is good karma.

2. “You Are Cordially Invited” – Tiny Tina Series – Tundra Express

Tiny Tina is having a tea party and she wants the player to help her make it the perfect tea party. In essence, a tea party to put Jane Austen to shame. The first task is to chase down the necessary essentials for the party. This includes tracking down a baby vakrid named Sir Reginald and escorting him back to Tiny Tina’s place. However, the player must avoid the advances of his prudish, overbearing and Welsh mother, Madame Von Barlesby. After securing the attendance of Sir Reginald, the player must find the other guest, Princess Fluffybutt. While looking for the “chestially” well endowed Princess Fluffybutt, the player needs to get crumpets and shoot down some Buzzards to use the flaming bits for a teapot.  Once the preparations and set up are complete, it is the player’s next task to invite the guest of honor, Flesh-Stick to the tea party. To do this, Flesh-Stick must be lured back to Tiny Tina’s manor. Once Flesh-Stick is firmly strapped down, the party can begin. What separates this tea party from similar ones in the milieu is that the guest of honor is electrocuted and tortured for the duration of the party. While Tiny Tina shows Flesh-Stick some snide and prejudice, the player must rebuke bandits who wish to intrude upon Tiny Tina and Flesh-Stick’s fanciful party full of class and cooked flesh.

3. “Cult Following” – Lilith Series – Frostburn Canyon

Tiny Tina's Tea Party

Classiest of all tea parties.

Lilith has inspired a cult devoted to her Firehawk persona. She wants the player to investigate the Children of the Firehawk to see if they are simply harmless zealots or lighter fluid-sipping David Koreshes in the making. Incinerator Clayton is the player’s introduction to the Children of the Firehawk and Lilith wants the player to go along with the herald of the Firehawk’s demands even if they seem extreme. When the player finds out the horrible truth of what happens to the naïve Sanctuary followers in the Children of the Firehawk at the Enkindling, Lilith tells the player to waste the Incinerator and other cultists. Lilith will presumably sort them out later.

4. “Out of Body Experience” – Various Areas

This mission becomes available after reducing Loader #1340 to bits of scrap metal and explosions. When the player picks up its AI core, it asks him/her to help him find a new body. The premise of this quest is that Loader #1340 wishes to change its murderous ways, but like Socrates said, AIs gon’ kill. After several different bodies and unsuccessful attempts to kill the player, it gives up and asks the player for one last favor to give it a purpose. This side mission could also be called, “Fool Me Quadruple”.

Borderlands 2

Robots are vile tools.

5. “The Ice Man Cometh” – Three Horns Divide

Claptrap wants the player to clear out a stronghold of bandits that have been harassing travelers of the Three Horns Divide for years. In another stroke of genius by the lonely and scatterbrain robot, he wants the player to place explosive charges on furnaces around the compound. By blowing them up all at once, the bandits inside will freeze the bandits inside forcing them to venture outside to see what or who killed the heat. When they show up outside, it is the player’s job to shoot them all in the spleen and watch them writhe in agony and frost. Mainly the reason for doing this is to see bandits wear Russian Snow hats because it is extremely joyful and makes killing them even more fun.

6. “Shoot This Guy in the Face” –Thousands Cuts

Face McShooty asks the player to shoot him in the face. So, shoot him in the ****in’ face! Bonus points for a clean shot. This is Borderlands 2 distilled down to its most brutal and poetic simplicity.

Kalvin Martinez

Kalvin Martinez

Senior Editor at Gaming Illustrated
Kalvin Martinez studied Creative Writing at the University of California, Santa Cruz. He writes reviews, prose and filthy limericks. While he is Orange County born, he now resides in Portland, OR. He is still wondering what it would be like to work at a real police department. Follow Kalvin on Twitter @freepartysubs
Kalvin Martinez

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