The Bard’s Tale (iOS) Review

The Bard stands a scraggly looking adventurer before three trow, a goblin-esque species, as they sing in memoriam of a fellow traveler who was once chosen for the same quest he undertakes now. It begins to dawn on him that he might not be the only “Chosen One” that’s endeavored to rescue the famed princess from her prison. Perhaps his righteous quest for “coin and cleavage” would be far easier, and safer, returning to Houton to kill rats, drink and make another go at wooing the barmaid.

The Trow Trio

This tale is not a noble one, but it is The Bard’s Tale: a Playstation 2 and Xbox title, turned PC title, and recently re-released for iOS in December 2012 for your mobile enjoyment. InXile’s most recent edition of The Bard’s Tale can be found in the Apple Store for only $4.99, half the price of the Steam version for PC, and includes the Tales of the Unknown Trilogy. Tales of the Unknown is the 1985 Dungeons and Dragons like Apple II game by which The Bard’s Tale was loosely inspired; a straight up dungeon crawler that also served as the inspiration for multiple novels.

Story

The Bard’s tale tells of The Bard, known by no other name, who in his pursuit for “coin and cleavage” becomes entangled in a quest. Recruited by a cult to rescue a princess who he knows only by her beautiful appearance, The Bard has only the assistance of his summonable allies and a very unhelpful narrator who doesn’t seem to like him all that much. Along the way he must fight off enemies both old and new as well as assist the residents of the towns he often coincidentally takes part in terrorizing.

Gameplay

This title has all the charm of its classic origins intact: hack and slash combat with a choice of weapons, quirky dialogue, obscenely irritating camera angles, a wide range of enemies and terrains on which to battle them and items drops that at times don’t make much sense. In the first drop of the game the narrator even pauses to muse at how a wolf could drop treasure. The fourth wall is broken liberally and the dialogue between The Bard and his haughty host is sure to bring a laugh.

The First Real Boss

At times the combat can feel repetitive with the player tap, tap, tapping on the screen to swing a sword or mace back and forth, back and forth, with seemingly no end. Other times the enemies are so challenging that it is imperative to quickly switch between summons and maneuver around the field, parrying the stronger blows with a quick block before dealing the final swing. An interesting story with dialogue choices keeping you wondering what could possibly be said next ushers you onward though, and the more you play the more you enjoy it.

Graphics

Even as a title created some time ago, the transition between platforms has kept The Bard’s Tale on par with other games in both areas of gameplay and graphics. While it’s no Infinity Blade, players may find that it doesn’t need that extra boost to push it to the top of their library. As a top-down game, the camera angle can be extremely frustrating as enemies have the ability to attack from out of view even when zoomed out to the farthest possible. If an adjustment could be made, it should be to adjust the view at a slight angle so players might get a better view of the field.

Sound

I can honestly say that I have listened to the soundtrack which is available to stream from the game’s official website AFTER hearing the songs in the game MULTIPLE times; that is just how good the music is in this game. The songwriters for this game have lyrically crafted something both adorable and catchy. The times I have caught myself humming “Beer beer beer” while sipping a pint or whispered, “Oh it’s bad luck to be you…” after seeing someone trip is astounding. Even with the minor annoyances such as repetitive grunting every time I swing a sword, the sounds of this game is something to behold. This is especially true for an iOS title as iPhone games are primarily played while out and about and while phones are silenced so this area is much of the time overlooked.

Overall

The Bard’s Tale is worth the memory it will take up in your device, weighing in at over 1GB, as it will provide both laughs and hours of entertainment. With this release for iOS you get four games in one with the bundle of the original Bard’s Tale included. While lack of inventory management and little in the way of customization may irritate some players, others will find the straightforward, get-to-the-action, no bullshit style charming. It is by no means perfect, but think of the cute little singing Trow Trio! It’s impossible not to give in and try this title out.

Overall Ratings – The Bard’s Tale (iOS)

For your listening pleasure, a song from The Bard’s Tale to complement your reading.

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Miranda L Visser

Gaming since she dug an NES out of a dumpster down the street from her home as a child, Miranda L Visser contributes to Gaming Illustrated while working on her M.A. in Norway. She dearly misses steak and being able to walk down the street to buy cheap games.

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