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5 Video Game Lands Donald Trump Should Run Before Becoming President

/ Nov 21st, 2016 No Comments

Donald Trump

Donald Trump will soon be the president of the United States of America. Yes, it is actually happening. He is going to be running the country. To get some experience, he may want to start by running some of these famous video game lands first.

5. The Animal Crossing Village


Animal Crossing: New Leaf

I plant this tree and ultimately undo this fair city.

If ever there was a perfect testing ground for President Trump, it would be a town literally comprised of animals. In Animal Crossing: New Leaf, players must attempt to run a town, enact ordinances and keep the populace happy.

Best Case Scenario: Trump pays off Nook and warps the town however he sees fit, inciting a contracting war between the two tycoons of real estate. A bare-knuckled brawl will inevitably ensue.

Worst Case Scenario: The town becomes overrun with weeds. That’s it. Or maybe he spends too much time visiting other cities, thus forcing us to live our seashell-collecting lives under Mike Pence. Still, not exactly apocalyptic.

4. Settlements of Boston and The Commonwealth


Fallout 4

The first combatant for Trump Fight Night is found.

Speaking of the apocalypse, Trump probably won’t bring about the end times, but just in case, let’s look at Fallout 4. Fallout 4 has players build settlements, assign tasks and provide dwellers with basic necessities such as food and water. Also, you can try to save your son.

Best Case Scenario: Fighting pits and tall buildings. Alpha deathclaw-on-alpha deathclaw action around the clock and monolithic structures of great proportion littering the entire Commonwealth.

Worst Case Scenario: The Institute wins. Trump becomes their new leader through a number of shrewd deals and less than legal executions. Everyone becomes a synth, including Trump, and they all live a peaceful, yet controlled existence. You’re going to love it.

3. Fabletown


The Wolf Among Us

Send those frogs back to the farm and make them pay for the trip!

The Wolf Among Us centers around Sheriff Bigby as he investigates the various crimes of Fabletown, a land inhabited by displaced fairytale characters. Bigby doesn’t rule the town, but as its de facto lawman, he is the only one capable of enforcing its policies, and thus the choices players make weigh heavily on Fabletown and its citizens.

Best Case Scenario: Trump, through an outright mistrust of women, manages to uncover the mysteries of Fabletown. His intuition that women are hiding something will lead to him uncovering the truth. Sure, some women are disrespected along the way, but at least the real bad guy is brought to justice, right? Right…

Worst Case Scenario: Every chance Trump has to be humble is thrown away as he goes back to his old girl-eating ways and the Big Bad Donald takes control of a city in chaos by force. Everyone that can die does, and the town is thrown into utter anarchy as its politicians are revealed corrupt or inept, its sheriff power hungry and fellow citizens shown as cold-blooded killers.

2. Norse Village


Black & White

I should say something hopeful and witty here, but I got nothing.

In Black & White players take control of a literal god in control of a village. Actions affect the worshipper’s opinion of their god, and thus scary evil or peaceful temples are made to reflect this.

Best Case Scenario: Trump ain’t that bad of a guy. He rules in a no-nonsense manner but is ultimately fair. Some of his policies don’t exactly click with the entire population, but he keeps everyone fed and happy.

Worst Case Scenario: The world literally comes to an end. Trump reigns down fire and lightning like it’s going out of season. People are drowned just for saying something bad about The Donald. Whatever animal is chosen by Trump as god’s pet is trained to eat villagers. Eventually, nobody is left on the smoking crater of an island and Trump spends eternity shooting fireballs into the ocean for fun.

1. Columbia


Bioshock Infinite

Perhaps that swimmer is both sinner and saint until he is revealed unto the eyes of man.

Bioshock Infinite is the story of Columbia, a city in the clouds made to escape reality. Booker DeWitt is sent to find a missing girl named Elizabeth and must make moral choices to save or damn himself as well as the city.

In this flying utopia that is anything but, could Trump make the necessary decisions to save its citizens?

Best Case Scenario: Choices do not matter, everything leads back to a lighthouse, free-will is an illusion and thusly Trump saves his daughter.

Worst Case Scenario: Choices do not matter, everything leads back to a lighthouse, free-will is an illusion and thusly Donald Trump saves his daughter.

If you have any questions, ask the Luteces.


Greg Johnson

Greg Johnson

Associate Editor at Gaming Illustrated
Greg is a Nintendo fanboy who would cry if they ever went third party. He writes news, previews and reviews at Gaming Illustrated.
Greg Johnson

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