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10 Questions that Should be Asked of any Gamer

/ Dec 25th, 2012 No Comments

Viewtiful Joe
Super Mario Bros. 2

Super Mario Bros. 2

While having a little conversation with a pal of mine it somehow came around to hypothetically interviewing people in the video game industry. For a laugh I decided I should come up with my own version of James Lipton’s 10 Questions asked during the finale of each of his interviews.  I then proceeded to answer them myself for the amusement of my friends. Enjoy.

What is your favorite game?

Super Mario Bros. 2. I hope they make a slick, dark, updated, modern hardware game in that universe someday. Yeah, I know it’s a Frankensteined bastard stolen from another game that only came out in Japan but I don’t care, it’s awesome.

What is your least favorite game?

There’s one that comes to mind. We found an old game in a storage box in a friend’s basement years ago, called Wall Street Kid for the NES. You had to play the stock market while buying presents for your snobby wife, and it only had one music track on repeat. It became this awful test, where we tried to see who could play it the longest. None of us ever actually beat it. There was no formula we could figure out to make enough money. It’s pure torture. Booze helps.

What is your favorite class?

[adsense250itp]Damage. The objective is to stop the enemy, and Damage keeps him busy.

What is your least favorite class?

Healer. I realize without the Healer the team falls apart, but it’s just so hard for me to feel useful. Plus, you can name the games centered on a lead character that goes around healing people on one hand. Like that surgeon one on the DS? Barf.

What style of graphics do you love?

I like stylized cartoony ones. Games like Ratchet & Clank or Team Fortress 2 (pre hats). I grew up watching Loony Tunes and similar shows, and that sort of style always makes me feel like a kid, plus those games go out of style a lot slower than games that try to look realistic.

Viewtiful Joe

Viewtiful Joe

What style of graphics do you hate?

Really poorly done cell-shading. It’s so overused, and for some reason they always have extremely thick outer lines in games compared to animated stuff on television. It doesn’t look like a comic book to me. It looks like crap. On the opposite end, the cell-shading in shows like Futurama looks awesome and matches the style. Honestly, I think some stoned 3D-modeler discovered cell-shading by accident.

Do you believe in The Strategy Guide?

No. The kids that go into Gamestop and buy a game on launch day with the Strategy Guide in tow are so lame. It’s like watching a movie next to someone that won’t shut up ruining the plot twists every five minutes. If I ever get stuck, and I mean really stuck, I’ll break down and look up a hint on the internet once in awhile. Usually I find my troubles stem from poor, counter intuitive game design, rather than me being an idiot. You can argue that if you want to unlock all the secrets and achievements you’ll need a Strategy Guide, but then a game turns into work. If I’m working I want to be paid.

What profession in a game would you like to attempt in real life?

When I was a kid I wanted to be a Ghostbuster. The video game is probably about as close as I’ll get to being one. Those goons on the shows with the night vision cameras camping out and peeing their pants make it look so lame.

What profession in a game would you not like to do?

I’d hate to be the protagonist in any game like Silent Hill or Resident Evil where reality is slowly crumbling around you, making you go insane. Stuck in a claustrophobic environment, surrounded by utterly twisted monsters is not for me. Most people don’t realize that all those sewer tunnels smeared with rotting blood, dismembered flesh, and dead bodies are going to smell horrid in real life.

If Hell exists, what would you like to hear Bobby Kotick say when you cross the river Styx?

“Sorry, pal. Once I moved in there was no more room. I’m pretty much doing some kind of project on each floor here and they won’t be freed up for some time.”

Ben Conrad

Ben Conrad

Associate Contributor at Gaming Illustrated
Ben is a newcomer to Gaming Illustrated, covering hot topics in the world of gaming.
Ben Conrad

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